Anyway, a guy, two rows down, didn't remove his winter hat for the national anthem. Really? Buddy, how did you miss it? Now, the kids in front of us were complete asses and stood for a lot of the game when everyone else was sitting, and that was just senseless rudeness, but there's being rude to a few people, and the general assiness that goes with it, and then there's not removing your hat before the national anthem.
Its not a hard thing to remember, really, as they generally ask you to do so before the song begins. But even if not, if you have been to any event, uhm, ever, when the Star Spangled Banner (or O Holy Night or whatever it is they sing in Canadia) is being sung, you'll notice that everyone removes their hats.
So when dingus doesn't remove his winter cap, it makes me mad. Sure, it may have been a nice, wool hat that didn't have a visable brim to remind him of his civic duty, but let's be honest, it was fifty degrees and dry at kickoff, and there's no way you could hear how hot the anthem singer was with those wool flaps covering your ears.
I have a few simple rules about wearing hats. (I don't always conform to Meghan's First Law of Hats - that I should never, outside of a 10 mile radius of a skiable mountain, wear any winterized hat gear). But I take my rules seriously.
1) Don't wear a hat during the national anthem. Ever.
2) Don't wear a hat in the house. My mother yelled at my brother Philip about this quite a bit while I was growing up... I'm pretty sure he did it mostly to bug her, but for whatever reason I sided with her on this one... not because I felt she was right under the old "don't wear a hat indoors" rule, but rather, why would you need a hat in your own house?? Sure, if I come to your house, and we end up playing Beirut in the basement, I may not know too much about your ceiling situation, and a hat would protect me from any falling debris in your least well kept room in the house, but outside of that, I can't imagine circumstances under which would necessitate wearing a hat in the house. (Note: I probably break this rule regularly, especially shortly before leaving the house, or in the summer).
3) Don't wear a hat in a public building. This rule, unlike the others, has several exceptions:
a. You can wear hats in the following eating establishments: "quick serve" restaurants (as they don't liked to be called fast food anymore), coffee shops (In Dunkin Donuts this is universally acceptable, in Starbucks it is done mainly to annoy the people that don't realize they should really be at Dunkin Donuts), sports bars (for fairly obvious reasons), any restaurant calling itself a "bar and grill" (read: sports bar), and any other restaurant that either i) is decorated with any form of memorabilia or other assorted flair (ie Chilis, ect), or ii) that require hats as part of the serving staffs uniform (which goes back to the Dunkin Donuts rule). I generally break this rule in places like chilis and routinely forget hats there after I've taken them off.
b. If there is a blizzard, or other form of catastrophe, you are allowed to put your hat on before exiting the building, likewise, it may remain on until shortly after entering. Just don't forget to put it on/take it off with reasonable consideration for the amount of time you are walking through a public building with a hat on (the lobby area is the only place where this rule is acceptable).
c. You can wear hats "inside" if the venue which you are attending is predominantly outdoors. Examples include football stadiums (both kinds of football, and also including domes, as they should be retractable and who so ever designed non-retractable domes needs to receive electro-shock therapy), ballparks (ditto on the domes), Revolutionary War forts, ect.
d. Indoor arenas, again, for obvious reasons (no one needs to call me unreasonable here).
e. Generally speaking, anytime the public venue is used predominantly for shopping, ie grocery stores, shopping malls, ect, hats are allowed, however no-hat rules apply in the instance that you go to a decent restaurant in a mall (take the Cheesecake Factory for example, which is attached to a mall, but tries to seem quasi-upscale. You're required to play along and take off our hat, even though I'm not sure why you want to pay $30 for a mildly ok piece of chicken. But we'll save that for the restaurant choosing guide later).
f. Hats are, coincidentally, acceptable in virtually all portable public venues, such as trains and buses, however if you're ever trunked by the mafia, you may want to remove your hat if they pulled up in a nice limo, or even a town car (and consider figuring out how to say the rosary, as you're nearing the end of the line). I'm not yet sure about trolleys, however I don't have any correspondents in San Fran.
4) Hats should be removed as a sign of respect, regardless of venue, for the Queen, other foreign dignitaries, persons held in high regard by the local public (ie Dave Roberts, Kevin McHale, Brian Boitano, ect), the recently deceased, in memory of the recently deceased, or for a plethora of deceased (a class-action remembrance), near the final resting place of the not-so-recently deceased, and heads-of-state who have attained their post by winning a popular election.
These are rules that I find quite easy to live by. Each day that I wear a baseball cap into town, I walk into DD and get my coffee, head over to the Tower and remove my hat as I'm entering the revolving door (this takes a good deal of coordination, as I am generally balancing my hat, my coffee, and my urge to make 3 or 4 revolutions in the hopes that the ensuing nausea will send me home early.) I take these rules seriously (no, really, I do), but don't generally preach them as I figure most people have learned the rules, and the caveats that go with them.
Apparently not. Take off your hat for the anthem.
And as a sign of respect for your soon to be 16-0 NE Patriots.
Merry Christmas everyone!
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