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This Post Brought to You by the Letter M...

I've realized its a good thing that I'm not a drug user (OK, so I suppose I realized that a while ago); come to find out, my in-laws are enablers. Amid the torrent of Sesame Street toys, trains, and clothing that came home in the slightly-larger-than-little car today was a skinny black keyboard - it may seem innocuous enough, but it reality it is enabling my geekiness.
Not only is this post brought to you by the joy that only cookie monster can bring, but its also being written from the comfort of my living room chair, with the output not on the laptop but rather on the TV, and a wireless keyboard in my lap. To squeeze every last bit of geekiness out of this moment that I can, I have The Office playing picture-in-picture in the top right corner. Too bad its a repeat from 2006, and isn't very Christmas-y.
With this level of comfort I may be able to bang out a few extra (read: few) posts - of course, its also a rather comfortable way to play some old school video games, so don't hold your breath...

Right Idea, Wrong President

Maybe if it was one President-not-elected-by-the-people asking another President-not-elected-by-the-people someone would listen... but unfortunately 2001 George Bush is not available for comment.
Maybe you should get yourselves ready. Just an idea.

Return of the Return

Things that annoy me:

1) Babies that fuss for no reason.
2) The newest McDonalds commercial. The one on the radio where the woman won't give the other woman a McD's New England blend coffee until she gets a few questions right, and one of them is guessing the sound of a fog horn, but its not a fog horn, its the Island Queen, BUT THAT'S NOT WHAT THE ISLAND QUEEN SOUNDS LIKE!!!! UGH. Get it right McDonalds. You just guaranteed that I will NEVER buy your New England blend coffee.
3) Christmas shopping being more complicated every time you try to make it less complicated.
4) The Indianapolis Colts.
5) Fussy. Babies. Just sayin' is all.
6) My car.
7) Not having a new car.
8) My car.
9) My fantasy team. It was just AWFUL this year. Scarily bad. I'm really hoping that next year I'm in a coma from July - September, so I can miss the research, draft, and heartache of losing the season within the first 3 weeks.
10) Not being able to stay awake past 10 pm. I have things to watch! I have things to do! But fussy babies wake up at 6, and expect me not only to be awake, but mobile and interested in their problems!

In The Words of Lewis Black

On Boston: "In four days, I experienced five seasons. It was thirty, it was sixty, it was ninety, it was TWELVE! and on the last day, the was lightning and snow... TOGETHER! I don't even think they wrote about that kind of weather in the bible."


Tonight it was snowing. And I saw lightning. Its October 18th. I couldn't have said it better than Lewis did.

Wolf... Uhm Wolf...

So the O'G family just wrapped up an episode of Celebrity Jeopardy (BUCKFUTTERS!!). Wolf Blitzer racked up a score of -$4,600. HOW IS THIS EVEN POSSIBLE? I can't fathom a world in which a prominent news person is... THAT STUPID. I know that there are some dumb news people out there, but -$4,600? Really?

AND YOU LOST TO ANDY RICHTER???

Good bye CNN. You are dead to me.

'Tis The Season II

I always feel good when I go to use a title for my post and realize I may have already used it, only to find that I used it 3 years ago. That's a good 14 posts ago! Anyway, this time, I'm pumped for the football season. I'll let the videos do the talking. Saturday night before the first full day of NFL; I'm burgeoning with excitement. (Sorry if you've seen some of these here before, but its better than scrolling for pages to find the videos!)

Three More For You

I can't do much more than non-twitter-retweet this (if that makes any sense, and yes, to me it does) except mention how fantastic the sweater vest is:



I don't have time for any more shows... but I'll still make time for this (even if it does make me ill... then again, wouldn't the unknown remains of 35+ cats make anyone ill?



Also, I know I'm a day late, but its always good to remember, regardless of the day. Via a Sports Guy tweet yesterday, Paul Simon's post 9/11 performance of "The Boxer".



Always loved this song - this is pretty good stuff.

Babyland

For nine months, I had to listen to people constantly tell me that my life was going to be "so different" when Baby Girl was born. I have to say, there were a LOT of things that drove me crazy for nine months, but this may have been one of the most aggravating comments. Why? OF COURSE LIFE IS GONG TO BE DIFFERENT! No one needs to tell me that a small, screaming, sleeping, eating gooey baby is a life-changer. If you had to tell me this, I probably wouldn't be fit to be a parent. Well, I am fit. And I'm not an idiot. (Idiot? No. Do I have a past/present tense problem? Sure. But I'm not an idiot.)

This being said, life is different. That is for sure. But you know what? Life is pretty good.

Sure, I'll have to see this on DVD.



But you know what? I see A LOT of movies on DVD. (OK, that is untrue. I don't see a lot of movies. But I don't see a lot of movies at the theater, and I do want to see this, so I am likely to see it on DVD. But that's OK!!)

I'm also not likely to see these guys when they come around. I'm guessing that they will tour again though. Hey, its not like I've been to one of their concerts in the past 10 years, baby or not I probably wasn't getting around to it this year!

I'm also becoming fairly acquainted with places like these. That is a fairly big adjustment.

But you know what? I'm OK with all of this! Really, I am! That's kind of what I signed up for, what with the whole parenthood thing and all. You know what's great? Watching your baby laugh herself to sleep, because she just figured out what laughing is. (Its apparently something you do at your slightly crazy, funny looking, balding dad. No wonder I laugh so much...)

Not to go around in circles, but as you can see, there is no reason to tell me how different things are. I get it. And more importantly, I'm living it, and its pretty good. Things will be really different when I don't have to hear about it any more.

Haven't seen this ad on TV yet...

And I'm pretty sure you can figure out why. But I have no qualms airing it here!

Homebrew, v2

After a 3 hour drive and a lap around the Mall of NH, I arrived at the annual fantasy football draft on Friday evening. This was, to say the least, MUCH better than last year for me.

Round 1: For whatever reason, I got to pick the first number out of the hat (and by hat, I do mean the cup of the league trophy), giving me the only legitimate 1 in 10 chance at any pick... and for the second year in a row, I ended up with #3. Last year I was happy about this because I didn't have to choose a running back; one was chosen for me as Westbrook was the only logical choice. This year, I wanted a lower pick, because I thought there was more value in the 7th & 14th picks than with 3 and 18. However I was delighted when MJD was picked #1, leaving me with either Peterson, or the more likely, and eventual pick, Michael Turner. Curse of 370 be damned.

Round 2: My original thought (refering to the above) was to go with a WR (likely Fitzgerald or Moss) in round 1 and a RB in round 2. But with the 3rd pick, and Turner in hand, I realized I would have to grab a WR in round 2 instead. What I wasn't expecting was the lunacy that ensued: three QBs in the first 8 picks. As the picks came off the "wrap around" I realized that I might be able to grab a WR in the 3rd round (more on that shortly) and still grab another high end RB. I was even more titillated as LDT wasn't drafted when the pick passed my brother (who went with the suspect Drew Brees/Steve Slaton combo intead of... anyone else), however I was happy to settle for Brandon Jacobs.

Round 3: What with a newborn and all, I once again didn't do much research this year - but one thing I did do was listen to a lot of Matthew Berry on ESPN.com - his advice was to a) get a top flight WR and RB in the first 3 rounds, and b) get a top 9 WR, no matter what (because the drop off after #9 is precipitous). Of the top 9 available, Calvin Johnson, Reggie Wayne, Roddy White, Anquan Boldin, Marques Colston and Steve Smith were all still (somewhat shockingly) on the board. With 4 picks separating my Brandon Jacobs 2nd round choice and my 3rd round pick, I realized that my WR choice could wait until round 3 and I'd still get a top-tier guy. Johnson, Wayne and White did indeed come off the board, but I was happily left with Steve Smith. I immediately felt nervous about this though, remembering that Jake Delhomme is... awful. Still, not a bad pick.

Round 4: Time grab a QB... oh my god I don't have a QB yet! Time to grab Philip Rivers... yikes, he's gone! (Most interesting subplot of the first 4 rounds - my brother Philip's 3rd/4th round choices of Wes Welker and Ledale White... what with Anquan Boldin, Vincent Jackson, Clinton Portis and Thomas Jones still on the board... he claims he hadn't been drinking before the draft... but I'm pretty sure he had to have been to have pulled that one off). And just as I resign myself to getting a crappy QB and my draft going to hell... could it happen... I don't think it will... oh my god Drywallers just took Jason Witten SOMEONE GIVE ME ANQUAN BOLDIN BEFORE YOU ALL STOP TAKING YOUR CRAZY PILLS!!!!

Round 5: Time to go for broke: I'm banging out another RB pick!! My starting lineup is now Turner/Jacobs at RB, Smith/Boldin at WR and Thomas Jones at the flex position. If I can find a servicable QB at any point, this may be an above average team!

Round 6: I was expecting a bit of a run on TEs starting with round 6 (and I was right... because these guys were still on the crazy pills) so I talked myself into grabing Owen Daniels a little too early... but I'm glad I did (WHO NEEDS A QB ANYWAY???)

Round 7: My first potentially disastrous pick. At this point, I've decided I'm going to be stuck with Matt Schaub (or worse) at QB, I may as well tempt fate and wait AS LONG as possible to pick him. I think the Brandon Marshall pick has a lot of upside though... he's a top 40 player with good 7th round value... if he gets to play...

Rounds 8-10: Depth, depth, depth. As backups, I'm happy with all of these guys. (Whistling past the graveyard...)

Round 11: My good buddy Matt Berry (ok, I don't know him at all) has Matt Schaub listed in his top 50. I get him with the 103rd pick! If there is ever a reason to be excited about Matt Schaub, this is it!!

I rounded out the draft with more depth, and played out my strategy of Defense in the 15th round, kicker in the 16th round. And then drove another 2 1/2 hours... but all of that driving was well worth it, if not to draft my own team, than definately to see how Philip cobbled his together. I'm officially ready for football season!

Return of the Vacation Ramblings

Took me 3 days into my vacation to get the internet working here in Falmouth. Meant to start with the usual glut of vacation posts a bit sooner... but alas 2 month old + being on the CTPP (Committee to Plan Parties) + general laziness = very tardy posting.

I'm the last person to jump on the "Lets Trash Brett Farve" bandwagon. Though the entire world seems to be on it, there's still ample room... that's for devising such a fantastic bandwagon, Packers Fans. I'm sure you were just thinking of yourselves and your size 60 waist, 26 inseam pants, but its really quite plush. I assure you I won't be the first one off the bandwagon.

Could someone please explain to me where this Red Sox season is going? Anyone? Bueller?

Over/Under on TB12 TD passes + Moss TD receptions has to be 60, right? And that plus annoyingly awful, infuriating Joe Buck Fox broadcasts has to be 77?

Don't know how I feel about playlist.com. Seems like stealing. As in, it is... but then again it kind of isn't... Lets just call it ambiguously convenient. And no, I'm not listening to Celine Dion...

Most annoying people of my vacation (thus far) - the people that walk into Wal-Mart in Falmouth, MA and complain that everything is "in a different place". That's what happens when a store remodels. I'm sorry. But I don't want to hear about it. I'm already aggravated trying to find what I'm looking for when its half a store away, I don't want to listen to you complaining. I'm managing to find what I need without opening my mouth. Second most annoying: the people at Wal-Mart that decided to remodel a store in the middle of tourist season. You know, instead of January, like any smart person would. Third most annoying (this is more conceptual than anything): the people at Target who still haven't come "on Cape". Honest to Jesus people, its time for a Target in Falmouth. Bulldoze the Wal-Mart (and its annoying shoppers) if you can't find space elsewhere.

Why is it that the Comcast remote will turn the DVD player on and off when I hit "All On", but when I actually try and turn the DVD player on with the remote, or use helpful functions such as "play" or "fast forward" the remote and DVD player pretend like they never met?

My brother-in-law can drive a golf ball straight 300+ yards. My nephews can out-drive me. I can show up at a golf course successfully. We all have our callings. Unless being really good at chip shots out of the woods and losing a ball of the tee box, taking a drop, and losing another ball into a tall (tall) bush count as skills, golf is not my calling.

But I still want to play the Old Course at St. Andrews before I die.

Further to my earlier point about playlist.com, from their "About" page: "We are in the process of building an index of links to music files posted on webpages that meet reasonable criteria as having the legal right to host music files for streaming to end users". Well that makes me feel better.

I'm not entirely sure how I didn't found about quakelive.com sooner. I think you just lost me for the rest of the night. But I promise to keep the internet working for the rest of vacation.

Two and Half Hour Drive to the Cape

I'll let the pictures tell the story:

Wait... does that sign... Welcome to Cape Cod??


It does! What the hell???? I HAVEN'T GONE OVER THE BRIDGE YET! To quote the late George Carlin, "Now we’re taxiing in, she says, “Welcome to O’Hare International Airport.” Well how can someone who is just arriving herself possibly welcome me to a place she isn’t even at yet? Doesn’t this violate some fundamental law of physics? We’re only on the ground four seconds, and she’s coming on like the fucking mayor’s wife!"


Ahh! Break lights!!! Time to stop thinking about road signs and start paying attention!!


Wait... is that the bridge over there?

(5 minutes later) yes... yes it is!!

Nice Guys Finish Last

I'm hoping to do better in my draft this year (don't try to call me on friday night, 8/28, I'm busy) so as to do better in my league this year. So I'm starting the research sooner (though I find the whole thing to be a crap shoot, but I doubt the multi-million dollar industry that's built around draft guides wants to hear that). And I'm going to try and do a few more mock drafts. Here's the early first stab at it. I got to pick second (flex position, snake draft league):

Player						Round Drafted		Overall Pick
Ryan, Matt QB ATL						5		42
Barber, Marion RB DAL						2		19
Turner, Michael RB ATL						1		2
Jackson, Vincent WR SD						4		39
White, Roddy WR ATL						3		22
Keller, Dustin TE NYJ						8		79
Parker, Willie RB PIT						6		59
Rackers, Neil K ARI						14		139
Giants DST						7		62
Roethlisberger, Ben QB PIT						10		99
Mendenhall, Rashard RB PIT						9		82
Driver, Donald WR GB						11		102
Ginn Jr., Ted WR MIA						13		122
Patriots DST						12		119

What I liked:
1) Picking second set me up for Michael Turner. Last year I ended up picking 3rd in my league, which made picking Brian Westbrook a fait accompli. Well, that didn't work out so well (see: shoot, crap). For whatever reason, I like Turner a lot (most have him in the top 4-5 but I've seen him as high as 2), and just like LDT was an automatic for almost everyone last year, Adrian Peterson is the consensus #1 this year. Picking #2 let me get the guy I want without setting myself up for feeling like an idiot if I picked him at 1 and Peterson made me pay for it. (Oh... wait, that's right, this is fake, fake football. Oops.)
2) Getting "Ben" in the 10th round. Just felt like a steal.
3) Uhm... I don't think I have a 3. I like the team... but I'm not feeling great about it.

What I didn't like:
1) Picking up the Pats D. There was a run on second defenses right before I grabbed them. I could have picked the Eagles... I probably should have but I just... couldn't. That's why we do these mock drafts I suppose...
2)Roddy White. I actually was happy about this until the other guys in the draft gave me crap about it. I know he's holding out, but I thought it was a solid pick. So I'm standing by it, even if I don't love it.
3) Donald Driver in the 11th round. Vincent Jackson in the 4th round. Dustin Keller. All of those picks snuck up on me (what's that? snuck isn't a word? Damn you spelll checker. damn you) and they ended up being impulse moves for the best player at the position at the time. I need to spend more time analyzing the mid-round players.

What I'm not sure about:
A lot of things, too many to number.
My ability to draft well, if at all.
Handcuffing Pitt running backs.
Matt Ryan ahead of a host of other (3rd rate) QB's.
Why "Ben" fell so low.
Marion Barber.
Yeah, I'm not sure about a lot.

I think I need some more practice. Let me know if you see anything I missed.

The Best Sox News In a Fortnight

Yes, even better than Victor Martinez.

Yoooouk!

Now let's see if they can catch the Yanks in the standings...

Anderson Cooper... I mean Draco Malfoy

I'll let the rest speak for itself.
(I'm sure you've figured it out already, but this is your mature content warning)

To Quote C3PO: We're Doomed

RT @jacko2323 If Adam Laroche is your answer, I think there are still some questions.


Yanks are going for their 8th straight win... Sox are scuttling. I've never looked forward to NFL training camp as much as I am this year.

Over/Under on the Number of My Groomsmen That Could Have Pulled This Off

I get the feeling that the Catholic Church may have frowned upon this though...

What You're Callin' The Cause I Call The Cure

I promise this will be my last bit on this, but this is the best idea I've heard on this topic so far (and I kind of wish I had thought of it). I hope they have their beer, and the rest of us can start to freak out about something else.

RT: Sgt. Crowley

In case you missed it, here's the interview on WEEI with Sgt. Crowley of Professor Gatesgate (though I did come up with that on my own just now, it already appears to be plastered all over the internet. Damn you, information age). I'm not trying to stir things up (read my prior post on this), but if this were a seesaw competition, having President Obama on one side would be like having the 600 lb 4th grader with a pituitary disorder on one side (no offense to Mr. Obama, he appears to be in great shape), so I'm just trying to even things out as best I can.